In the past 7 years my husband Kalib and I have moved 9 times one move half way across the country, had four kids in 3 years 11 months, 2 miscarriages, a few surgeries, mom had cancer, brothers have gotten married, made new friends, kids have grown, family issues have risen and fell, learned about addictions and how they touch families and friends in all different ways, jobs have come and gone, we’ve had businesses that have been grown and been lost, had money and have had negative money, we’ve struggled in marriage, we have over come. Our hearts have been broken and have grown wings. Beauty from ashes.
Truth be told. Some days, weeks have ached so deep. The ever so delicate painting of life becomes so muddy. I sit on the bench in my own museum and stare. Trying to make sense of my own canvas.
It’s easy to point out “failure”. It’s easy to worry or feel guilt. We are so hard on ourselves.
I am reminded of school. And how I could have never graduated without knowing my ABC’s. Doing homeschool with my daughter I watch her. How frustrating it is to Elizabeth writing letters backward. Not being able to read certain words and struggling to make sense of the sentence. Fundamentals. She is learning to learn. Starting over. Trying to read it again. Write it again. And someday as a woman she won’t even think about the way an s curves. Or how to read “schedule”. At 5 she doesn’t know what we know. And why ABC’s are important.
This life. This journey. It’s just one step at a time. It’s struggle. It’s an achievement. It’s drama. It’s rises and falls. It’s overcoming. It’s heartache and butterflies. It’s excitment and disappointment. But friends I am learning it’s this education that builds us for the future. That enables me to teach and love my children. It’s the dripping paint that adds heart.
My mom always says, “Worry is just a misuse of your imagination.” And she’s right.
What if…..what if I slowed down. Stopped. … And spun cookies in the church parking lot to make my kids laugh. If I stopped worrying and started living in my moment. Played on the floor more. Read more instead of watching Netflix. What if I listened. Like truly. To anyone who spoke to me… including my children. Just stopped life and embraced THAT moment with them? What if I just told the lady at the checkout her hair was pretty. Instead of just thinking it. Embracing the moment and give a compliment.
Life is just a perception. A perception on the move. Always changing. There is no “normal” normal IS change. This muddy painting isn’t so muddy. It took a lot of beautiful disasters to make it. And it’s shaping me each day. Ever changing. Fundamentals. Abc. Embracing today. Leaving guilt, worry, anger the anguish of things in the past or what could be. And we capture the moment. We embraced the woman at the check out. We spin cookies. We slowdown and listen . Trust the process. Paint Freely. Without limitations. Who cares if it’s brown or yellow or silly putty green. It’s your canvas. It can be whatever you want it to be. “Ugly” “failure” is a perception. “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder”
Let’s capture it friends!! Paint and love it because it’s yours! It’s you! It’s me!
Love you friends! Thanks for helping me see my muddy picture…allowing it to speak and be all that it is supposed to be. Rock your “normal”. You were created for your story! And YOU are strong enough to live it. xxoo